She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
