whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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