Are we in a gay sports bar?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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