I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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