I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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