well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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