your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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