I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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