oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
