this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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