im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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