I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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