My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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