i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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