so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
