please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
