I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
