Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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