I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
