sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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