So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
