BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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