guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
