I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
