The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
