I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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