his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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