One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need moral support for this bender
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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