you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
