she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
