Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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