It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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