Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
