It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
God, I missed his penis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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