Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
