I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
