i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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