I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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