On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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