I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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