The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
