cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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