I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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