Do you still have your period?
I cockslap morals
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Randomize
