If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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