I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
