i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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