i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
