so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
