I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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