i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
