New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
