I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
