Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize