So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
