The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
