well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
