i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
