so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
