I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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