I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
