Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
