Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize