My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
