how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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