morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize