Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
