i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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